


Letters To No One

by mavy1



Series: Water and Light [3]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: M/M, POV First Person, POV Sokka, and more than a little heartbroken, one final dose of angst before I hit you with the endgame, sokka is a pining mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-25 23:38:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17130878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mavy1/pseuds/mavy1
Summary: Alone in the Southern Water Tribe, Sokka writes letters he never intends to send in an attempt to heal a broken heart.





	Letters To No One

Dear Zuko,

 

I know. It’s been a while. Too long and not long enough somehow. I don’t even know where to start. What could I possibly say to make this alright? I don’t think there is anything. But I can't stop thinking about the way I left you. I thought I was sparing your feelings, doing things the way I did. Now I think maybe I was wrong. Not that it matters. It’s too late. And yet, I can’t shake the need to explain myself, however pointless that may be. So, I’ll try.

 

I hurt you. I know I did. I left you the way you always worried I would. But you must understand that I did it for you. Your advisors have been telling me for years that my presence in the fire nation does nothing but harm. That I’m a distraction, a bad influence on you. That I’m preventing you from reaching your full potential as fire lord, all that kind of crap. And I never took them seriously. Not really, anyways. After all, what do they know about me? About what I do for you? Those dusty old crones wouldn’t know a good thing if you hit them in the face with it. But as it turns out, they were right. In a way at least. I am a danger to you.

 

I always knew exactly what I would be willing to give for you - and that was anything. Anything I had to to keep you safe. The way I feel about you I can’t even explain. But I never even stopped to consider what you would be willing to give for me. It was a non-issue. The plan was always to sacrifice for you, not the other way around. And I did. Oh, I did. I nearly gave my life for you and would have gladly done so if that’s what it took. But you didn’t take that quite the way I expected. You, leader of the fire nation, perhaps the most powerful and important person in all the four nations, showed up at my bedside and proclaimed that you would trade your entire nation for my life. Not even my life, but my happiness. And that thought terrified me. It didn’t matter if you were being metaphorical, I knew that you would trade your life for mine in an instant, the way I would for you. And that I could never allow that to happen. I could tell you that for the sake of the world, we need you, but really my reasons are purely selfish. I couldn’t stand to lose you. In truth I’m not sure anymore who I was trying to protect. But you’re safer this way. And to me that’s all that matters.

 

I know I’ll never send this letter. I doubt I’m strong enough to hear what you’d have to say in return. But I needed… something. And a letter is all I have. Maybe this way I can fool myself into believing you’ll understand, that I wasn’t nearly as cruel to you as I was, when I know both of those things are lies. You could never understand how I feel about you. After all, I never bothered to try to explain. I’m not even sure I understand my own feelings at this point. But it doesn’t matter. None of it matters. All that matters is that you are safe. That, at least, I can make sure of.

 

Sincerely,

 

Sokka

 

* * *

 

 

Dearest Zuko,

 

What am I doing here? Writing to you again, I know it won’t make things easier. Mending a broken heart isn’t quite as simple as putting ink to paper and hoping for the best. Trust me I know. But if I close my eyes and pretend this will reach you and make everything better, I feel a little less empty, just for a short while.

 

What have I done but make a mess of things and break us both? I surely can’t speak for you, but my heart won’t let you go. So, I sit here, and I write, and I write but I never send you anything. I don’t deserve to have you read my drivel. Whatever you might have felt – whatever you are feeling – I have no right to know. Maybe you’ve forgotten me entirely. Found Someone else to make you smile and laugh, and to keep you safe. I wouldn’t hold it against you. After all, I forced your hand. But I haven’t forgotten, as much as I’ve tried. In fact, the harder I try the more I remember. The rasp of your voice, the soft strands of hair that fall against your cheek near day’s end, the way your eyes shine by candle light, I remember them as clearly as if you were here in front of me now.

 

I suppose now is as good a time as any to tell you. I love you. Actually, there might never have been a worse time to say it.  But it doesn’t change the fact that I’ve loved you for years. I knew it too. But every time I wanted to tell you my mind managed to twist its way out of confessing. There was always something more important, or some big reason to keep the secret. But really, if I’m being honest, I think I was afraid. I’ve had my heart broken before, I just couldn’t stand for you to do it.

 

So, I went ahead and broke it for you I suppose. We can go ahead and add that to the list of things I would do for you. There’s no need for you to thank me. It was my pleasure, I’m sure.

 

Love,

 

Sokka

 

* * *

 

 

My Dearest Zuko,

 

What a fool I have been. People have often told me so in the past, but this time I’m inclined to agree with them.

 

It’s been nearly a year since I left you, and winter is almost here. Strangely, the cold and dark are what bring you to the forefront of my mind. I can’t escape dreaming of you when I need the warmth of the fire and the light it offers to guide me. A piece of you is in everything I do. You surround me, and probably always will. I know that now.

 

I admit, I was afraid to love you. And I was afraid to lose you. So instead of taking that chance I split us apart. And now it’s too late. Far too late. Too late to try to make things right. Too late to change the way things are going to turn out. Too late to send all those letters I wrote hoping that one day I could gather the courage to do so. They would be all but meaningless to you now. That’s why this will be the last letter I ever write to you. I can’t go on breaking my heart a little more every day.

 

I’m not naïve enough to believe this means I’m over my love for you, or that I could ever be. But I can try to move forward. I have to. Living in the past isn’t going to change it. It certainly won’t bring me the future that haunts my dreams.

 

Yes, I’ve been foolish. But you always knew that, didn’t you?

 

With all my love,

 

Sokka

**Author's Note:**

> Poor Sokka. I feel you buddy. Not to worry though, we haven't quite reached the end yet.
> 
> Thank god for winter break!! I can finally write something at least. The last few chapters of this series should be along in the next few weeks if all goes well. If not, feel free to complain. I know I will.
> 
> Thanks so much for reading!! I hope you're enjoying the series so far. Feel free to leave a comment and let me know your thoughts either way. And you can always hit me up on tumblr @backcountry-deltora for my art/writing blog (or @mavy1 for my main) too!!


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